It has been too long..

Since I have posted anything!! A lot has happened in my life since my last post..

-We got MARRIED!!!!!!!!

-We moved into our first apartment!!

-We both got new jobs!

-We got a puppy named Tank!!

-Tanner got a new (old) jeep!!!!

-We got a dog named Tess!!

-We celebrated our first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year as husband and wife!!!

New Years 2012

I know there has been a ton more happening in our lives, but those are the major bullet points!!

Have a great 2012 everybody!!

Goodbye's are easier when God's by your side

Today we buried my grandmother. She passed away saturday night, and the past few days have been tough. But I have a serene feeling of peace because she is in Heaven with our Lord!! My grandmother was such a wonderful person, and her love of God showed through everything she did!! I love you Memaw, and I will see you in Heaven!!!

I needed this..

Today, Tanner and I got to spend time together.. alone. I know that sounds silly to most people.. heck, it sounds silly to me.. but I really needed it. Since neither of us has our own place there are always people around.. and that's not a bad thing, but as other couples can attest, its hard to truly be "you" (in this sense I mean you as in 'the two of you') in a group. Especially if its with parents and siblings. What is sad is that we didn't talk about anything profound, or important.. we just shared small talk and cuddled. But it is guaranteed to be the highlight of my week!!

That is probably the thing I'm looking most forward to when we get married. Being alone together.. Locking ourselves away in our apartment, and getting to be us, and learning what us is all about. I imagine lots of married couples tend to take being together for granted. Probably lots of couples in general do.. in fact, I know I have. Heck, last month I was taking it for granted.. but now, I am going to cherish and look forward to every minute we get. Whether it is riding in Tanner's truck, having the house to ourselves for a few rare minutes, or those wonderful days, like today, where we get to talk and nap and talk some more. :)

So, be alone together this week.. and enjoy it like you did when you only got that on a rare occasion!!

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frustrations

Why do we let the little things bother us? I didn't sleep very well last night, and I have been short to people, and bitter about stuff that doesn't really matter!! In the big scheme of things, does a bad nights sleep really matter?? No!! That is something small and inconsequential to God. However, my being rude, irritated, and angry does matter to Him!! When I do stuff like that, it doesn't show a good Christian way of life. I'm not letting God shine through all of my actions.

So I am changing my attitude, starting now! It's a beautiful day, that the Lord made especially for us.. and I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest!!!


Deuteronomy 28:10 NLT
Then all the nations of the world will see that you are a people claimed by the Lord, and they will stand in awe of you.

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satisfied with the present me

I took a look at the past year of my life today.. and I was pretty stinking satisfied! I have changed a lot in the past year, grown into a better version of me, and i wouldn't have it any other way!

February 17th 2010 I weighed 118.4 pounds. This is the month that i decided to take control of my life.. and start to change. I started to go see a counselor, and work through lots of personal issues I had. One of those issues was the stupid assumption that i had to be as thin as possible to feel good about my self! It honestly took a lot of confrontations, not always in the nicest way, from some very important, and some not so important, people in my life before i started realizing what i was doing to myself. I wouldn't starve myself.. but any time i ate I got really sick to my stomach. i was working out.. a lot, and my alcohol consumption was through the roof. However, February wasn't the thinnest I became.. once you start the downward spiral, it takes time to start climbing up the stair case again. Rock bottom for me was around 110 to 112 pounds, and I think i hit this around May 2010. I'm taking this assumption from the fact that all of my size 2 clothes ceased to fit, and would fall off fully buttoned. After March, I stopped weighing myself.


I started eating right, stopped working out all the time, and pretty much stopped drinking all together. Slowly but surely my blood sugar righted its self out, I slowly started gaining weight, and what I think is my biggest personal victory, I was happier.

I will be the first to admit that to do this, i had to stop hanging out with a lot of people, and pretty much change everything about my life style. I stayed home pretty much all the time, and only saw a few friends once a week. But, ya know, I like the homebody in me. I got to discover who I really was, and not who i thought others wanted me to be.  I probably hurt a lot of people by turning my back on them, and for that I am sorry. but I had to do what i did to regain myself.

However, the thought that i wasn't pretty enough or thin enough was always in the back of my mind. Going to EMT school in June was a very integral part in my weight gain. Its not a bad thing, not in the least, I gained tons of self confidence, and learned a little bit about just how bad i was to my body.

For the first time in years I am healthy. I am confident in myself, and how I feel in my own skin. Today i weigh 131.3, and i have never felt better!!  I'm not as skinny as i used to be, I no longer have super nice abs, and I had to buy all new clothes, but I like the new me. No, I love the new me, and I never want to go back!!

sleepless in lubbock

I can't sleep.. maybe it is because i am used to sleeping next to Tanner.. since i crashed at his house the last 2 nights.. or maybe it is because of the 2 cups of coffee i had with dinner. Either way, it got me thinking.. about what I want to do in my life, and about what great people i have in my everyday life.


Christine is probably the best friend, and basically the best person I know! She is so supportive of everyone.. in their hard times, and the good ones too!! She has been there for me personally, more times than I can count! even today.. i got a little melancholy, and she sent me this "You are a wonderful, beautiful inside and out woman." how awesome is that?!?! she goes so much further than just saying you are wonderful.. or your an awesome person (which is about as good as I can do) Christine tells you something that you don't even know about your self, or something you may have forgotten. She just knows when a person needs an encouraging word or two, and has been my life saver more than she knows! She loves her God, husband, family and friends with her all, all the time.. and it has inspired me to do the same! There is no doubt in my mind whom I want standing next to me as matron of Honor on my wedding day!!! Love yew Christine!!

 Magen.. how to sum up magen.. she is my sister.. soon by marriage, but its been that way since the day i met her. She is a straight shooter.. if she thinks something, your going to know it. And I love that about her!! She thinks outside of the box, and that really comes in handy.. a lot! She is a wonderful mom to my nephew and niece.. and i know she probably gets stressed out sometimes, but she handles things with a certain grace. She is always good for making everyone laugh.. especially if it involves registering for wedding gifts! Magen is great.. a true God fearing woman, inside and out! Love ya sister!!

Tanner.. tanner is my rock. In many ways he has been my salvation. I didn't know true love until he came into my life.. and I knew we were meant to be together in a matter of days. Things are different with him.. I know my past doesn't matter, and that he accepts me no matter what. I am free to be me, and to discover exactly who me is! Tanner is so full of faith in God, that it makes me want to strive to be a better child of God. Being with Tanner makes me want to be a better person, but he supports me no matter what!! Which is more important than I ever realized. Tanner is proud to have me on his arm, even if I'm in sweats with no make up (which is pretty often) and he always puts my safety first. In fact, he always puts me first. I want everyone I know and care for to have a relationship like mine. With someone that they love so much that they can't wait to see them, or talk to them first thing in the morning, someone that they can see themselves getting old with, and being okay with that picture.. as long as they are together in the end. Someone they would go to bat for 100% of the time.. no questions asked. Someone that you love, and that loves you back with such a ferocity that it manifests into a physical ache at times.. Because true love hurts, but it is a really good, soul touching hurt, that you never want to go away!! I love you Tanner Kyle, and I can not wait to become your bride!!

I want to help people.. I don't know how yet, but I know I want to make an impact in people's lives.. To save people from addiction, or find children forever homes.. or save marriages.. something that when I get to heaven I know I made a difference in someones life. Made life easier, or more meaningful for at least one person.. I believe this is what God has planned for me, and if I'm wrong I know He will let me know!

So, goodnight to the friends I have that follow this blog.. you are all wonderful, unique men and women.. and our God loves you so very much!!

one of those days..

Today was one of those days.. ya know, the kind of day you hope goes on forever.

I woke up super rested, and not long after Tanner came over to surprise me, because he got the day off! Best surprise!!

We had a pretty lazy morning, and I cooked Tanner lunch. But this afternoon we went to Target and registered for gifts!! Tanner bought me a coffee, and I had tons of fun getting to learn more about his taste and personal style.. I was pleasantly surprised to find just how perfectly our styles mesh!!

Later in the afternoon, we were told where to find a truck with a 2 in 1 light bar (i hope that's right!) Very similar to the one Tanner wants.. he was so excited!! We've been looking for this particular truck for weeks!!

We went home and watched a couple of movies (clash of the Titans, thumbs down; and letters to Juliet, thumbs up) drank coffee, designed invitations.. and basically had an awesome mini date on my sofa!

All in all, today just reaffirmed why I love the man I'm going to marry. And, why both of our pasts are just that, the past.

I know I always say that God has blessed me beyond imagining, but He really has. I met Tanner, and fell in love, less than 1 month after I finally let go, and fully gave God the steering wheel of my life!! It just goes to show how much better he knows what we need than we think we do!!

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proposal video

So, I finally remembered how to post a video from my phone.. here is the happiest day of my life... so far!!

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We are engaged!!!!

Tanner proposed on Christmas morning, and I said yes (of course) I would say yes a thousand times more!!

He is the best man I've ever met, he is a great spiritual leader, and he loves me for who I am!! I'm the most blessed woman alive!!

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It's the little things

I got a Christmas card in the mail today. It was beautiful, but it made me tear up just a tiny bit. I don't get to talk to Bailey much anymore.. we are both so busy, and yet she still sent me a adorable card with a picture of her family. So sweet.

I have had some of the best times of my life since June. I watched my best friend marry the love of her life. I watched my future sister-in-law get big (but beautifully) pregnant and have a precious little girl. I got to watch my nephew meet his little sister for the first time. And every day I fall back in love with Tanner.

Tanner and I are a match made in heaven.. really. There is no other way to describe our relationship than by saying that God intended us to be together. We are our Heavenly Father's perfect match for each other. And the thrills me more than I know how to express. God loved everyone on earth so much that He took the time to make a perfect soul mate for them. Someone that will help them in their walk with Christ, and someone that can hold them up when they are weak. And Tanner is my someone.

There are so many little things that have gone unnoticed in my life, but they have made all the difference:

~ When we walk in a parking lot tanner always places me on the side that is away from moving cars. His first priority is to protect me.

~ My dad leaves the coffee pot on an hour later than he used to, so that I can get a hot cup when I wake up.. long after he has gone to work.

~ My parents are always willing to loan me one of their cars, since I messed mine up. Again.

~ Even though Tanner hates, hates, HATES feet, he will rub mine between his hands if I'm cold.

~ Tanner, or my dad will go outside in the cold to warm my car up for me.. and the heater is always going full blast. :)

~ Christine calls all the time just to say hi, and that she loves me. Always makes my day.

~ I have a petty little fear of being home alone at night.. so Tanner's family said I am welcome to stay with them anytime I need to.

~ A friend of my mom's is putting in a good word for me, so that maybe I can get a job!!

I am blessed beyond reason, and so grateful for everything, especially the little things, that have happened in my life in the past 6 months.


Remember.. Jesus is the reason for the season. So give thanks for his birth, and his death, so that we may live forever!

 Merry Christmas!!!

I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications.

Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I will call upon him as long as I live. 

Psalms 116:1-2

Thankful for so much!!

I'm sitting here thinking about why I should be thankful... And there are so many things that I have in my life to be thankful for!!

I have my wonderful boyfriend, family, and a close group of friends.

I am blessed with good health, even though I've had my ups and downs before. I have been in better health for the last 5 months than I had been in years!

I may be jobless, but I'm not having financial problems.. God is so great, and he has been providing for me!!

Most of all.. I am thankful for my wonderful Father in Heaven, for saving my soul. :)

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NOVEMBER!!!

I LOVE fall!! I love the changing of the leaves, and the crisp cool nights by the fire. I love the smell of cold air in the mornings, and the comfortably warm afternoons. I especially love lazy Saturday's with a cup of coffee and a blanket on the back porch! I can't forget scarves, long sleeves, sweaters, and hoodies.. oh hoodies!!

November holds a special place in my heart.. it is the beginning of family time to me.

November.. my parents were married (today is their 30th Anniversary!!) i love y'all!! my boyfriend was born (he turns 25 later this month!) i get to see most of my family (THANKSGIVING!!) My sister, and her daughters are coming to town this weekend (so excited!!) My best friend, her husband and son are coming to town (can't wait to see Bailey, Cody and Channing!!) Christmas lights start to go up!!!!

Fall is my favorite part of year.. I like spring, a lot, but fall is just a little bit more special to me!

Keep the fire burning in my heart!!

Church was wonderful today!! Pastor Brenda is great at keeping us focused, and every sermon speaks to me! After church Tanner cooked boudin for lunch.. Yummy!!!!

Then Tanner and I went golfing!! I really enjoy getting to go and watch him play!! I really like getting to spend that time with him, especially when we get to do something we both enjoy!!

After golf I went back to church.. All I can say is WOW!!!! Brennon was blessed, and got the hearing back in his left ear!! It was an amazing time and testimony from John Wakabi!!!!

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soo funny

this made me laugh so hard that I nearly threw up.. A must see!!!!!

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Jobless Thursday

Well, I quit my job on Tuesday. I am oddly at peace about the fact that I have no form of income coming in. I have total faith that God will show me where I need to be. The last few days have been nicer than I would have ever imagined.. Especially the weather!!! Its just beautiful and peaceful outside. I love fall, and I'm so excited it is finally here!!!!

Tanner has been a wonderful, solid, and supportive rock through everything. I know, that if it wasn't for his support I would have already crumpled into a blubbering mess! I am overly blessed to have him in my life!!! Thank you Tanner, for loving me.. Especially when I need it the most!!!

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Facebook Fast

Today I started the 7 day Facebook Fast that klove asked its listeners to participate in.. So far, it has been really easy, and nice to just disconnect.

I have some tough decisions ahead of me.. Mainly having to do with if I should stay at the ranch, or find other employment. So, say a quick prayer for me to find some clarity, if you don't mind! thanks!!

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contemplations

ugh, I have a stomach bug.. and it really sucks!! however, it has given me ample time to look into my life, and evaluate a few things..

for example: I am not happy with my job. the dread I feel when it is time for work is not normal.. in the least! it has come to the point that my stomach bug was almost a welcome reprieve from the ranch. we are under staffed, over worked, and too drama filled to go into detail. but, this sums it up pretty well: I asked for a transfer to the other kitchen on campus, and my boss practically threw a hissy fit.. and my transfer has yet to be approved by him.. even after I offered to take a $1.30 an hour pay cut!! [please be praying for this to come to a speedy resolution]

besides work.. I have the best life a girl could ask for. no, I take that back.. its better than the best!! I have the most wonderful, and loving boyfriend [future husband] ever!!!! My family and friends are the greatest!! And last, but certainly no where near least, I have a wonderful God who sacrificed His son, so that I may have the chance to live eternally with Him in heaven!!!

So, I am blessed, more blessed than I feel I deserve, but I am taking the gifts God has given me. And letting the rest of it roll off my back! I give it all to You, Lord, for I know You have the strength when I am weak!!

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this crazy thing [life]

Well, class is over. And while I try to decide which direction to take, i have a lot of things to be thankful for.

I have my health. My heart is back to normal, and i weigh more than I have in over a year!!!

 My education, I passed my class, and now I need to take my national certification.

 My family. This includes my new family.. Terri, James, Magen, Brennon, Braxton, and the future baby Bybee! I was blessed beyond measure when God brought them into my life. My wonderful parents and siblings have been nothing but awesome, even through hardships.

My love. Tanner, has been the best thing to happen in my life, since Reece was born 2 years ago. He is my rock. And on many occasions, I feel like he is my motivation and my sanity. I see my future when I look into his eyes, and that is more comforting than he will ever know.

My God. He has shown me so much in the past 2 months, i can only look forward to the things he will teach me in the future.

So, all I can say is that this crazy thing called life is working in my favor. And I am blessed more than I could have ever hoped for!

Happiness

I am happy. That actually doesn't begin to explain what i feel. I am ecstatic, and oh so so in love!! I have had the best month of my life, and i can't wait for more to come!!! I have the most AWESOME boyfriend ever!! Tanner already knows me so well, and even the thought of getting to see him today makes me giddy! I know all you naysayers out there are thinking its way to soon, but when you find your best friend, and your future.. you just know!

 
 Want to know a few of the things I love about Tanner... suure you do!!!

1. He has a passion for Christ that exceeds my own.. he will help me in my walk to God, and guide me in many ways.


2. He does little things for me. Alllll the time. Like fixing my ring because it is twisted. Or opening doors for me, and always being super sweet!!

3. He calls me the greatest things. babydoll (favorite) honey. babe. and soo many more!!

4. He is okay with me being my normal, goofy, slightly crazy self!


5. He is happy to just hang at home.. he doesn't feel the need to go to the bar every night. he is just like me.

6. Tanner came to see me (twice) when i was sick!! He just came, and laid in bed with me.. and talked to me. It made me feel much much better!!

I'm stopping at 6, because I don't want to go on and on and on and on and on!

 

School is not going so hot.. but I'm not that worried about it. I will either pass this class, or I wont. I have put all of my faith in Christ, and I know that if I don't pass this class I was meant for something else. And I will continue on my path to becoming a nurse.


Work. UGH. just ugh. I am sooo ready for something better. But part of being a responsible adult is staying at a job for the health care and other benefits!

Needless to say.. despite my heart, and other health problems.. I am Blessed beyond measure!!!!!!!!

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3: 12-14

Giddy

WOW!!!! God is amazing!!! I have never been soo in love with my Father as i am right now!! He has shown me how life should be, and I can't imagine it any other way anymore. He brought Tanner and his family into my life. They are amazing, God loving people who show their faith in everything they do. I am soo thankful to have met them, and I hope to be around them for a very long time. 

Its funny how people go day by day without ever noticing the work God has done in their lives. I used to be one of those people, but after the work he has done in my life in the past 3 weeks, I will never walk around blind again. 

When God has a plan for you, it will all fall into place. Somethings may not make sense right then, but sit back and watch, because God is doing big things for you!!!  And your life will change for the better!