satisfied with the present me

I took a look at the past year of my life today.. and I was pretty stinking satisfied! I have changed a lot in the past year, grown into a better version of me, and i wouldn't have it any other way!

February 17th 2010 I weighed 118.4 pounds. This is the month that i decided to take control of my life.. and start to change. I started to go see a counselor, and work through lots of personal issues I had. One of those issues was the stupid assumption that i had to be as thin as possible to feel good about my self! It honestly took a lot of confrontations, not always in the nicest way, from some very important, and some not so important, people in my life before i started realizing what i was doing to myself. I wouldn't starve myself.. but any time i ate I got really sick to my stomach. i was working out.. a lot, and my alcohol consumption was through the roof. However, February wasn't the thinnest I became.. once you start the downward spiral, it takes time to start climbing up the stair case again. Rock bottom for me was around 110 to 112 pounds, and I think i hit this around May 2010. I'm taking this assumption from the fact that all of my size 2 clothes ceased to fit, and would fall off fully buttoned. After March, I stopped weighing myself.


I started eating right, stopped working out all the time, and pretty much stopped drinking all together. Slowly but surely my blood sugar righted its self out, I slowly started gaining weight, and what I think is my biggest personal victory, I was happier.

I will be the first to admit that to do this, i had to stop hanging out with a lot of people, and pretty much change everything about my life style. I stayed home pretty much all the time, and only saw a few friends once a week. But, ya know, I like the homebody in me. I got to discover who I really was, and not who i thought others wanted me to be.  I probably hurt a lot of people by turning my back on them, and for that I am sorry. but I had to do what i did to regain myself.

However, the thought that i wasn't pretty enough or thin enough was always in the back of my mind. Going to EMT school in June was a very integral part in my weight gain. Its not a bad thing, not in the least, I gained tons of self confidence, and learned a little bit about just how bad i was to my body.

For the first time in years I am healthy. I am confident in myself, and how I feel in my own skin. Today i weigh 131.3, and i have never felt better!!  I'm not as skinny as i used to be, I no longer have super nice abs, and I had to buy all new clothes, but I like the new me. No, I love the new me, and I never want to go back!!